Other than calling Countway Library to ask, "So is this dog thing real?" I apologize for my brief hiatus from investigating. Also, my previous idea turned out to be not so funny.
Regardless, there are some scientific advances to report for all you NRS haters out there while we are in the midst of working on the puppy issue. NRS does not make stuff up (except for the day when you're supposed to make stuff up). Contrary to hater belief, gossip and misinformation are counter to our mission, but the scientific, peer-reviewed study of this topic is not beyond our purview.
Our high-impact quasi competitor recently published "The visual impact of gossip," which was actually carried in our favorite town of gossip (not in Nebraska).
Highlights:
"Whether delicious or destructive, gossip is functional."
"It is believed that gossip was important for social cohesion during the course of human evolution."
(I failed to understand the methods section)
An example of negative social behavior is "he threw a chair at a classmate."
"In sum, hearing that a person stole, lied, or cheated makes it more likely that a perceiver will consciously see that structurally neutral but purportedly villainous face."
conclusion: Negative gossip/bad reputation makes you more visible. Gossip is evolutionarily important for recognizing the bad and the ugly. There clearly is a need for the services of NRS, although not everything we report is negative.
NRS also loves to follow up up on previous investigations. For those of you still confused about the essence of not_pwang, we have uncovered a scientific explanation (the best kind of explanation) for the age old question of why doesn't the honey badger give a sh*t? Apparently, it has to do with its surprisingly tough skin.
When watching a honey badger attack a monitor lizard, it becomes clear why not_pwang won the bracket:
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