Busty Science

As my esteemed NRS colleague has mentioned we are back! But not without a few changes. One important change is that this NRS investigator has been unwillingly assigned a new nickname. While the derogatory (definition 2) aspects of this nickname are obvious, the inventor of the nickname swears it was meant to be more complimentary (definition 1). The new name also cannot help but bring other shelving situations to mind.

Nearly a year ago, NRS first brought you a ground breaking story looking into the Boobs in the General's past. We lamented the lack of Boobs in Boston, and really thought that central PA should share the wealth. But now we are wondering, are boobs are really an asset?

In order to address the larger question, we first wanted to find out how big is big? Luckily, science has answered this question, and all it took was a quick pubmed search. That's right guys, you missed your chance to be lead author on the paper "What is a large breast?" because that paper has already been published. If you were hoping to spend your grad school years measuring women's breasts, you've been scooped.

According to the paper, "On the basis of published data and results from this study, it is recommended that patients with a cup size greater than or = D ... could be categorized as having large breasts, while all other patients could be considered average in size." So the next time you plan on calling someones boobs large, you might want to consider whether you are being scientifically accurate. Incidentally, if you instead wanted to spend your grad school years imaging women's breasts to create a computer model of different breast sizes, you've also been scooped. This paper contains a variety of useful information. For instance: "Female breasts can vary greatly in size and shape." Who knew? Also, mad props to them for citing a chinese fashion conference in their methods section. But really, Figure 2 is what really makes this paper shine.

But returning to the important question at hand, now that we know what a large breast is, what powers does a large breast bestow? Luckily, science has answered that question too. Women with larger breasts were more successful at hitchhiking, but only with male drivers. Interestingly, according to the paper, 96.3% of drivers who stop are men. So the next time you take a road trip, you might want to consider your car buddies carefully, or at least keep a blond wig in the car (side note: once again, only men care about this which in general suggests that women show way more equality when helping others). There is also a correlation between the size of a waitresses breasts and the size of her tip, which sadly is larger than the correlation between the level of service and the size of the tip. (Incidentally, the same study shows that blonds get bigger tips as well... Perhaps a certain NRS journalist should go undercover permanently?).

So, free rides and big tips? What's the downside? Well, it turns out that women with larger breasts also have an increased risk of breast cancer. And considering how rarely any of us wait tables or hitchhike, this seems to be a pretty big downside. Interestingly, this paper also suggests that a majority of women have a larger left breast. We will leave it to our loyal readers to acquire their own data on that one.

And what if you decide that smaller breasts are better? According to a study published in the American Journal of Human Biology, "A 20% reduction of total body mass would be required to achieve a 215-g (one cup size) reduction in breast mass... The mean mass of breast tissue excised per side in a study of 75 patients (mean age 36 years, mean BMI 28 kg/m²) undergoing bilateral reduction mammaplasty was reported as 774.9 g (Turner and Dujon,2005)... to achieve a 775 g reduction in breast mass would necessitate a body mass reduction of 51 kg (70% reduction of total body mass), resulting in a BMI of 8.3 kg/m². This is below the mean BMI of 12 kg/m² proposed as the lower limit of female survival to starvation (Henry,2001)."

Bummer.

To our female readers with scientifically defined large breasts, we suggest you enjoy your tips and sell your car because you can get free rides. For our other female readers, we hope you appreciate the decreased risk of cancer. And to our male readers, we say... shame on you for not stoping to help small busted brunettes.